Building a basketball team with Steven Spielberg movie characters

Cory Woodroof, For The WinSun, June 14, 2026 at 1:51 AM UTC

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Building a basketball team with Steven Spielberg movie characters

With the NBA Finals and WNBA regular season in our heads and Steven Spielberg's Disclosure Day playing in theaters, why not create a basketball team out of Spielberg characters?

If we just focus on his fictional creations, you can put together a mean basketball team for the Movie Basketball League. The Spielberg Raiders are a formidable bunch; we liken them to the San Antonio Spurs in the NBA.

They've been pretty excellent for a while now, and they show no signs of slowing down. Plus, Victor Wembanyama is an alien, and Spielberg loves making movies about aliens. It's a pretty clean fit if you ask us!

What would the Spielberg Raiders lineup look like? Who would stand out? Who fills the bench? If you're looking for the stupidest piece of sports and movie content out there this week, you've chosen wisely. Before you ask, no, the T-Rex from Jurassic Park is not on the team. Its arms are just too short to play basketball. Life can't find a way there.

Point guard: Velociraptor (Jurassic Park series)

There is no better Spielberg character to run point for our team than the velociraptor from Jurassic Park. The speed, the aggression, the ball-handling (as long as the talons don't pop the ball), the ability to create offense, the willingness to try and eat a defender who is putting on too much pressure. The raptor plays with clever hoops; teams won't want to guard the raptor 94 feet when it brings the ball up the court... at risk of being attacked.

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Shooting guard: Chief John Anderton (Minority Report)

Anderton can see the play before it happens, quite literally. Having that kind of vision on the court running off the ball could be huge in creating explosive plays. Given actor Tom Cruise's scrappy tendencies on the screen, we imagine that channels well for Anderton playing opposite a velociraptor. If he can get those spider robot things to help him on defense, all the better. The raptor and Anderton should give this team a pretty strong backcourt.

Small forward: Dr. Ian Malcolm (Jurassic Park series)

The 6-foot-4 Malcolm creates chaos on the court. He's a pesky defender who constantly gets in his opponents' heads; a doctorate in chaos theory will do that. Offense finds a way for Malcolm when he gets clean looks in the midrange game, but he's still trying to find consistency when things go awry... chaos isn't great for that. Still, Malcolm kind of does everything well. He's still working on his 3-point shot; he'll do that laugh if you ask about it.

Power forward: Alien tripod war machine (War of the Worlds)

Sound the horn of doom; the tripod is here to ball. Outside of being able to zap opponents into a fine dust, the alien tripod war machine is excellent on the boards and has developed a decent 3-point shot to compliment the post game. While we know the tripod can get into foul trouble (and may miss some games with virus exposure), we like having the war machine at the four. First-team all-defense in the Movie Basketball League isn't out of the question.

Center: The Big Friendly Giant (The BFG)

If you've never seen The BFG ball, you're missing out. The pick-and-roll game between the giant, er, giant and the raptor is absolute magic, and that's notwithstanding that The BFG is a literally a magical creature. He might be a big, friendly giant, but he's actually leading the Movie Basketball League in technical fouls, even over the raptor. He's not always great with his size and can rack up fouls; he's particularly bad about moving screens. Gravity isn't helping there. However, he's a double-double machine and integral to creating points in the post. Bruce the Shark from Jaws comes off the bench to help if he gets into foul trouble. He's a championship center at his best, though.

Bench/Coaching Staff -

G E.T. (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial)

G Quint (Jaws)

GMutt Williams (Indiana Jones series)

G Teddy (A.I. Artificial Intelligence)

G Dilophosaurus (Jurassic Park series)

F Helen Harris/Aech (Ready Player One)

F Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones series)

F Dr. Daniel Kellner (Disclosure Day)

F Joey the Horse (War Horse)

C Bruce the Shark (Jaws)

CoachSammy Fabelman

Asst. Coach Roy Neary (Close Encounters of the Third Kind)

Asst. Coach Viktor Navorski (The Terminal)

Asst. Coach Dr. Ellie Sattler (Jurassic Park series)

General Manager Henry Jones, Sr. (Indiana Jones series)

Owner John Hammond (Jurassic Park series)

The team's bench is pretty deep. E.T. can phone home with the assists when the raptor needs a break, even if he slows the pace of the game a bit. Quint is a scrappy bench player who holds quality minutes (and eats fouls) with his roughshod demeanor. Just don't let him get near backup center Bruce the Shark much; those two have some beef. Mutt Williams is the team's feisty tone-setter in the depth rotation, and we don't know, Teddy from A.I. can just ball. The Dilophosaurus struggles with fouls when it spits on opponents, but its quickness generates steals. Aech is a menace in the paint; Indiana Jones is pushing for a starting role despite not being the biggest forward. If he can just get a little better guarding movie snakes, he'll get there eventually. Kellner is the rookie, but he's got lots of promise in his quest for the hoops. Joey the Horse brings size and grit in the post game despite not technically having hands. Sammy Fabelman is the coach; you put that clipboard in his hands, and he can make magic happen. General manager Henry Jones Sr. knows how to scout a roster; owner John Hammond... spares no expense with his team.

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Source: “AOL Entertainment”